Tag Archives: Duby’s Lists

What / Who are your Energy Suckers?


battery_drained_drained_tshirt-p235462129617598701z8npz_400With Valentines Day last week I was thinking a lot about relationships (and blogging of course), and the ever so popular topic of Toxic Relationships.

Instead of analyzing and dwelling on my difficult relationships and studying their level of Toxicity – I like to ask myself one simple question.

Are they an Energy Sucker, or not?

The truth is, it doesn’t really matter WHY or HOW – the answer we’re looking for is a YES or a NO.

(editor’s note: I suppose if the relationship is one you need / want to keep – you may want more specific answers so you can work through it)

What is an Energy Sucker?

Just as it sounds, an Energy Sucker is SOMEONE or SOMETHING that literally sucks your energy. It DRAINS the life out of you. (eek, sounds scary!) Ok, it might sound harsh, but in reality – we deal with these kinds of peoples and scenarios all the time.

The easy one: The friend who’s difficult. I’m sure you know the one I’m referring to (quick, without thinking, imagine a friend or family member that drains you! 1,2,3 – answer! – ok good.) They’re the ones that when their name pops up on your caller ID – your stomach does a little flip (even a little one). Or the one where you instinctively say “oh no, SHE’s gonna be there?” Or the person that after spending time with them, you hang up the phone, or leave their house completely and utterly emotionally drained.

This, my dear is an Energy Sucker.

Sure, we know all about those friends that drain us – we call them Toxic Relationships. But Energy Suckers is more than just a bad friend, or an annoying cousin (or grandparent.) Understanding Energy Suckers in our lives, help us realize that it’s MORE than just our relationships.

Here’s an example:


(my Louisville family members probably think I’m crazy) – but for me, Walmart can (sometimes) be an Energy Sucker. How so? The bright lights, the huge open store, the noise… sometimes it makes my head not feel so yummy and the experience isn’t so fun. On the flip side, a cozier library or book store is an energizing and soothing place for me.

An Energy Sucker can be a person or a PLACE… it can be a building (such as Walmart.) It can be your grandparents house (for whatever reason).

Here’s a more fun example:

It can also be an activity.

Remember the last time you called your Telephone company about your retardedely high cell phone bill? You then spent over 20 minutes pressing *0 for an operator, and instead kept getting connected to different departments only for your frustration and blood pressure levels to rise dramatically.

That is an example of an Energy Sucker. It was a situation, or something that drained your energy.

Before you get your undies in a knot – I KNOW that sometimes we need to do things because as adults, we have responsibilities that aren’t so exciting. (I mean, does anyone actually ENJOY doing their taxes? Except maybe my friend the accountant?)

It’s still good to know which activities drain us so we can monitor how much or how little time we spend doing them. Or, possibly delegating the task to someone else (enter: accountant!)

The first thing to do is….

You guessed it – create a list!!!!!!

Make a list of ALL the Energy Suckers in your life.

Top worst three people first – and then the rest.

Also include places or activities that rob you of your precious energy.

Ok, now what?

Now that you have your list made, pat yourself on the back for a minute because you’ve just taken the first step in taking back your energy. (yay you!!)

The next thing to do is figure out how to curb, or limit your interactions with said people or places on the list.

I read a story about this woman who had severe fatigue issues. She was instructed by her doctor to make such a list of Energy Suckers – and one of her top 3 people was her mother. How could she tell her mother,

“Hey ma, piss off – you’re an Energy Sucker!” – not really. The doctor suggested she limit phone conversations with her mom to 3 minutes exactly once a week. If the mother would start to nag, she politely tells her mom she needs to go, and gets off the phone.

It’s not a matter of being polite or rude it’s purely for the benefit of one’s health. Because if she WOULD stay on the phone for longer periods of time, all her energy would be drained – and would continue her cycle of fatigue problems.

Some Energy Suckers unfortunately are quite difficult and for a period of time, need to be stayed away from entirely. I have done this (and have had it done to me as well) and from first- hand experience, it’s extremely hard to do and it SUCKS (pun intended). If you do choose to stay away from an Energy Sucker entirely, you’ll most probably be seen as an Anti Social Bitch (or the male equivalent).

However, I firmly believe it’s important and crucial in the name of good long term health.

Well, my dear readers I hope you enjoyed Energy Suckers: 101.

Oh, and Happy Valentines Day (a week late Smile)

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Posted by on February 21, 2012 in Emotional Health


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Spiritual Health: 5 Ways to Bottle Up the High Holidays


During the summer, I was chatting with a friend of mine. While he is no longer religious – he told me that when he was looking at the calendar to make his schedule, he saw that Rosh HaShana and Yom Kippur were coming up and instinctively he got chills about the upcoming days of awe.

This friend of mine was raised in a very different kind of community than I was – a lot stricter – and people in his community view the high holidays through a lens of fear and trepidation. Nonetheless I thought it was pretty cool that even though this man didn’t go to Shul or pray – he still felt the awesomeness of this time of year.

Well, we are back to the daily grind. Back to school, back to work – back to exercise and normal meals (thank G-d!) … but before the month of Tishrei becomes a thing too much in the past, I wanted to go over a few ideas of how to take the inspiration with us.

The whole point of this month is to wipe the slates clean, start fresh and begin anew. We apologize for our past misdeeds – and once we do the hard work we then celebrate with joy and elation the holiday of Sukkos and SImchas Torah. We know that we have done all we can – that this will indeed be an incredible year, and we have faith that G-d will do his part as well. And so we dance!

How do we bottle up the holiness and joy we felt during his month and take it with us throughout the year?

In my opinion, in order to capitalize on the energy we need to look at the month slightly differently.

Just as I stated before, we usually look at the holidays exactly as they are.

Rosh HsShana: we crown G-d as our king

Yom Kippur: we atone for our sins, and G-d seals our fate for the upcoming year

Sukkos: a time of joy and celebration

And Simchas Torah: we celebrate the Torah – the foundation of the Jewish people’s lives.

Simple enough right?

Except there’s one thing missing.

Very often we talk that Yom Kippur we cry and we fast and we beg forgiveness. But not a minute after Yom Kippur ends – we’re already “accidentally” sinning again. Whatever it may be … maybe we didn’t make a blessing on the food… we’re back to “screw up ville” back to square one.

Time to Tap Into Our Potential!

So I think, instead of looking at Rosh HaShana and Yom Kippur as days of forgiveness and wiping the slate clean and promising to do better in the future, I think we need to see it as a time to realize our potential. We are incredible people. As humans we have the power to do miraculous things. One little person – with a little passion – and a little ambition – (and creativity) we can move mountains! But what happens – we come to Yom Kippur and we realize we’re nothing but a screw up. We “effed” up in not so pretty language.

Rabbi Tzvi Freeman at gave a beautiful sermon how the whole repentance thing is way too depressing for our generation. It’s too easy to get depressed by our shortcomings. This is brilliant!

Instead of repenting or atoning, or whatever fancy shmancy word you want to use – instead – let’s look inside of ourselves and realize that there is so much untapped potential – that needs tapping! (who wouldn’t want to tap that?

Doesn’t that sound a lot more fun and joyful than the depressing thought of repentance?!

So when we stood before G-d with our fate in His hands – we should be overjoyed and excited and incredibly moved that here we have a NEW year upon us… a NEW opportunity… a BRAND new chance to utilize our awesome talents…. Our beautiful G-d given talents and our own personal brilliance to make a difference. Whatever that means to each of us individually…. But we now get to say:

“From this point on, I’m gonna ROCK the Shiznit!” (yes, Shiznit is a word). And start the new year believing that this year is going to be different. This year is going to be better. And this year is going to be THE year.


With this attitude – the attitude that we are going to be the “best possibly me” – we can look at how to practically bring that inspiration into our day to day lives.

1) My Favorite Thing to Do – you guessed it: MAKE A FREAKIN LIST!!!! Decide: What do I want to be better at this year? What do I want to do this year? What do I want to change? It can be 2 things. Or it can be one thing. It can be a goal, or an activity, something you want to start (or stop) doing. Something maybe that’s holding you back from being the Best That You Can Be. – write it down!

2) Meditate: I know – you’re probably sick of hearing me talk about meditation. But the fact is that Yom Tov ends – and we are thrown back into our lives. The 9-5 workday, the screaming kids, the overcrowded schedules. It’s too easy to forget what we felt on Yom Tov – and how we wanted THIS year to be better. By meditating on our goals and aspirations and our “List” – it helps to bring us back and center us what we want to accomplish.

3) Take a Little Time to Talk To G-d. I was considering putting this as the same thing as meditating, but I really feel its 2 separate things. When we meditate, it’s internally. Its focusing in what’s going on inside (and yes, G-d is there too) – however, with prayer – it’s a vocalized externally. We are talking outwardly to G-d… and continuing that connection we felt so tangibly during all those days of Yom Tov.

4) Pick a Friend. Sounds easy right? In order to be the better you – you need the right kind of friend who will bring out the best in you and build you up. There is a girl I know, she is much younger than me (she was actually my camper at one point) in recent years, whenever I chance a conversation with her she has this knack of inspiring me about my projects that I just want to jump in get working!!! I can’t explain what it is about this one girl, but every time I speak to her she encourages me in my work and makes me feel so enthusiastic about it all.

While there are many types of friendships, in order to accomplish your goal you want to make sure you’re surrounded by the right kind of people.

5) Monthly Assessment Meeting. To bring the inspiration of Tishrei into our day to day lives, nothing says practicality more than the accountability of a monthly meeting. Looking back on “where am I holding?” and “what do I want to focus on in the coming month?”


Do you have any tips of ways to keep an inspirational feeling last? I would love to hear YOUR ideas!!!!

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Posted by on October 30, 2011 in Spiritual Health


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